Where there's a will...I want to be in it.

No no. Just kidding. 


Kind of....


But where there is a will, there is definitely a way. And thats pretty much how I live my life. Especially when it comes to my long distance relationship with Aaron. Coming up here shortly, hopefully,  will be a 6 month deployment full of tons of mixed emotions and extremely limited contact.


Super.


Anyways, the wonderful Kristie shared a blog post from a friend of hers with me. It talked all about the different stages of the deployment. I wanted to share it on here so that the people closest to me would know that I'm not crazy. Even though you may all think that I am. 


Take the time to read this and get a little taste of what's really going on in my head now, and throughout this whole experience. Thanks Kristie for sharing this with me and please thank your friend as well :) 


The Stages of Deployment and the "Symptoms" That Go Along With It


First stage: Pre-Deployment:
Duration: Begins with the warning order for deployment and ends when the Sailor actually departs from home port
Symptoms include:
~Anticipation of loss vs. denial 
~Train-up/long hours away 
~Getting affairs in order
~Mental/physical distances
~Arguments

Second Stage: Deployment
Duration: the first month of Sailor being gone
Symptoms include:
~Mixed emotions/relief that they finally left and can work on coming back
~Disoriented/overwhelmed
~Numb, sad, alone
~Sleep difficulty
~Security issues

Third Stage: Sustainment (sometimes referred to as Denial/Abstaining/Rebuttal/Nonacceptance)
Duration: months 2-5 depending on longevity of deployment
Symptoms include:
~New routines established
~New sources of support
~Feel more in control
~Independence
~Confidence ("I can do this")

Fourth Stage: Remainder of Deployment
Duration: The month before Sailor is due to arrive home
Symptoms:
~Anticipation of homecoming
~Excitement
~Apprehension
~Burst of energy/"nesting"
~Difficulty making decisions

Fifth Stage: Post Deployment
Duration: 1-2 months after deployment
Symptoms:
~Honeymoon period
~Loss of independence
~Need for "own" space and time
~Renegotiating routines
~Reintegrating into Family




While all of these might not seem to apply since Aaron and I don't live together right now, I just wanted to post this as a way to maybe try and understand what goes on in my head and in my world during all of this. 


Just because we don't see each other all of the time doesn't make a six month deployment any easier. Yeah, we might not see each other all of the time, but now we won't really talk to each other either. 


So try to realize that that is a big change. And try not to be the person who says "You don't see each other anyways so what does it matter?" 


Because it does matter.


Realize that there might be days where I cry over the stupidest things and get all worked up. It's difficult to accept the reality of the person that you love going under the ocean in a metal tube for six months doing god knows what in dangerous areas. 


I don't think you can ever really fully prepare.


It's not easy...


It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. 


So like I said, if there's a will, there's a way. 


The will is there, and now I just have to find my way.