My mom once said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

For the sake of this conversation, on this very morning, that thing upstairs still sleeping at 10am, is in fact only still alive for the sake of lawn care and vehicle maintenance. Two things he does well at. Minus car washing.

Now, just a disclaimer. I love Aaron very much, we ALL know that. But, he has male anatomy. And that for that very reason, sometimes I want to rip off his male anatomy and put in a blender and then feed it to him.

He makes my head spin. Sometimes all you have to do is just smile and nod.

He comes home from work yesterday and tells me that he has the WHOLE weekend off, and says "I'm going offroading tomorrow."

OH? You are? Okay...Well what about myself who has spent the last 2 months waiting around for your ass to have a day off. What am I chopped liver?

Apparently so.

So I said...YOU are going? Or WE are going? And he said in a low pitched aggravated tone "well you can come if you really want to."

Oh, thank you, for that oh so kind invitation. I really feel like you want me around! a;owielkjfdad

So after I brushed that one under the rug for the sake of knowing that he is not going offroading, he's helping me clean the garage, we go to get Josie washed.

Josie is my new car.

Anyways, he made it very clear that I am to be the one to keep this car clean, of course, because I drive it. So I get out, start rinsing it off, and then after rinsing off the soap, he takes the pressure washer thingy away from me and starts doing all the crazy shit like protectant and wax. He took the pressure washer away because we were running out of time and he didn't have any quarters left.

Now....any woman would think, why didn't he just stop spraying the car for 10 seconds so you could go in said car and get more quarters?

Exactly.

But no. We had to rush through the rest of the car washing experience and do a half assed job because time was running out. I was doing a fabulous job with the foaming brush and rinsing off the car after that myself but I wasn't working fast enough for him because I was taking my time and making my car as pretty as possible PER HIS REQUEST. Now I know from experience, if you don't wash that wax off with the high pressure wax it leaves a film and it makes the car look "milky" coated. But HE knows how to properly wash the car, not myself. I'm not competent enough. Just like I can adopt a human at the age of 20, but not a kitten.

It gets better.

We get home, and he sees the car under the light and says "this car needs like a real wash job."

Uhhh...'Scuse me!? Say what!?

Maybe if you had let me continue doing it the proper not half assed way, you would not feel that way. But thank you anyways, for validating my point to me that you were rushing at the end and now its not as pretty as it could be.

Men.

Sigh.

Tomorrow, I will continue my rant about men, in which we will talk about Rick Santorum and how he wants to outlaw birth control.

Babies for all!